


Father

by suzunofuu



Category: Inazuma Eleven, Inazuma Eleven: Ares no Tenbin, Inazuma Eleven: Orion no Kokuin
Genre: Drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 08:44:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15578091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suzunofuu/pseuds/suzunofuu
Summary: Tatsuya says Hiroto is the one father loves. Hiroto isn't so sure about it.





	Father

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a rant. I hate Seijirou.

_Nobody despises you_.

_You’re the one dad loves._

Hiroto knows Tatsuya’s lying. At least, he’s lying about people not despising him. He can see the way everyone looks at him, he can feel the rejection and loathe that invade everyone when he’s around. He knows that everyone who despises him has a reason to do so, he’s made sure everyone does just by being the way he is _._ He doesn’t know about his dad, though. He doesn’t know what could Tatsuya possibly have seen in his father’s office, but no matter how many of his drawings and photos and whatever else there could possibly be hung on his walls, it won’t make Hiroto feel loved or appreciated by him on the slightest bit.

Tatsuya can think that Seijirou loves him more, but the truth is that he’d rather love anyone else in the entire world, even the most horrible person to ever exist, than to love his own damn son. Or that’s what he’s made sure Hiroto thinks. The truth is Seijirou would rather love Tatsuya, would rather call Tatsuya his son, would rather give Tatsuya everything he hasn’t ever given Hiroto, even if Tatsuya hasn’t come to accept that although Hiroto _is_ Seijirou’s son, there’s nothing he could do to take Seijirou’s love from him.

It’s kind of funny that Tatsuya is jealous that he’s Seijirou’s son, because Hiroto has always been jealous that Seijirou wanted Tatsuya as son instead of him. Ever since he was born he’s had a whole mansion, Sun Garden and now Eisei Acaedemy to himself, to do in its installations whatever he needed and felt like doing. His room is big enough to shelter at least twenty of the kids at sun garden with their respective beds and belongings. He has more space and money and possessions than any of what the kids he’s grown up with will every dream of owning, and yet he’s the only one who doesn’t have a home, who doesn’t have a safe place to call his own. He’s always been jealous of them for being together, has always been jealous of the way his father treated them and cared for them the way he has never done for him, has always been terribly, horribly jealous of Tatsuya. No matter what he did, he could have never won Seijirou’s heart, because Tatsuya had taken it first.

It is not a hidden fact that Seijirou is ashamed of him. He has always been ashamed of him, ever since he was born. Hiroto’s yet to discover the reason why. He can understand that people don’t like him now, but there was a time when he wasn’t like this, when there couldn’t have possibly been anything to make him so disgusting and as big a disgrace that his own father didn’t want to have anything to do with him.

Sometimes he wonders how things would have changed if his sister hadn’t been there for him, or if his mother hadn’t passed away.

He’s thankful for Hitomiko. Somewhere deep in his heart he is.

His sister has tried with all she has to lessen the damage in Hiroto’s and Seijirou’s relationship. She’s tried and tried and tried and tried to make Seijirou pay a little attention to his son, to let him know he’s loved and wanted. She comforted Hiroto every time their father didn’t pay attention to him, every time he forgot about his entire existence by telling him father was busy, father was tired, father was in a meeting and couldn’t come. Father could never pay attention to him, but whenever he had a break he was back in Sun Garden spending time with the kids. No matter how many times Hitomiko said father was trying and wanted to be with him, Hiroto couldn’t have believed her lies forever even if he had tried, even if he was blind.

And regarding his mom… he thinks he has a memory of her. One. Only one. A memory sweet and tender enough to help him pull through entire years of being unwanted. In the memory, he slips next to his mom in bed and she pulls him in, smiling, happy that he’s there, so close to her they are just one body, petting his hair and cheeks and kissing his face softly, then humming him to sleep on top of her. He doesn’t know if this happened, if he made it up, if he even got to meet his mother (no one at home ever speaks of her) but he knows what the memory makes him feel is real. The longing is terrible, the happiness too twisted by helplessness, the rancor too vile to even think about it.

At this point of his life, there’s nothing Hitomiko can do to repair the damage Seijirou has done, and he knows there’s no way the memories he has of his mother are real. How could they be? He doesn’t even remember her face. They must be a byproduct of the years of lacking paternal love, a way to cope with life. He wishes that simple memory was enough, yet it’s not. Nothing’s ever enough. Nothing will ever heal the wound Seijirou has craved inside him.

So, yeah, he knows Tatsuya doesn’t despise him—he’s only jealous of him. He knows the members of his team don’t despise him, either, but that’s the effect he causes on people when they meet him. He cannot help his behavior anymore. He knows _nobody_ actually despises him. That’s what he did to himself, what he brought upon himself, what he knows he deserves. If he changed, everyone’s opinions of him would, too. He doesn’t think he can change, though. He doesn’t know how to have anything else other than this.

He also knows he’s not loved. He may not be hated, abhorred, loathed or despised but he’s not loved, he has never been loved. The world doesn’t need to give him any more proofs. With his dad he’s had more than enough.

**Author's Note:**

> HIROTO !!!!!!!! DESERVES !!!!!!!!! HAPPINES !!!!!!


End file.
